Example Coping Skills

First, let’s learn two examples of coping skills you can use. These skills can help with the physical components of anxiety (e.g., racing heart) as well as the cognitive components (e.g., worrying too much about the future). One coping skill your child can use is called deep breathing. This is a great skill to learn because it can be practiced anywhere and at any time!  

When we experience anxiety, our bodies activate the “fight or flight” response, speeding up our heart rate and our breathing so that more oxygen enters our body, preparing us to run away or fight off a threat. This happens even when we are not in immediate physical danger.  

You have likely told your child at some point to "take a deep breath” when they are feeling anxious or overwhelmed. It’s also likely that this resulted in a less than positive response. Despite the power of slow, deep breaths in calming down the “fight or flight” response, kids will often dismiss this suggestion when it is introduced in a moment of extreme tension. Your child may feel like simply “taking a deep breath” will not help them with their problems. We have a couple of tips on how to make deep breathing more effective for your child:  

1. Asking someone to take deep breaths when they are very anxious, afraid, or overwhelmed, is a difficult moment to introduce this concept. We recommend discussing this skill at a time when your child is already relaxed. It will also be helpful for your child to practice deep breathing when they are not distressed before they try using this skill to calm down their anxiety.  
2. Taking a single deep breath does not do too much to change the nervous system. But if a person is willing, taking several slow, deep breaths over the course of a minute or two will change your nervous system and how you feel. Deep breathing activates our parasympathetic nervous system, which is the part of our brain and body that helps calm us down.
3. The way most of us typically breathe does not allow us to breathe deeply. Believe it or not, most people don’t know how to take deep breaths. Think about what you do when a doctor asks you to take a deep breath. Go ahead, imagine you’re in a doctor’s office and give it a try! Put your hand on your chest while you do this. You may have noticed that your chest expanded quite a bit. That’s pretty normal! But you can get even more air into your body if you breathe into your belly instead of your chest. The trick to taking deep breaths is to try and use your belly and your diaphragm instead of your chest.  

While practicing deep breathing, ask your child to close their eyes and focus as they slow down their breathing, taking a long and deep inhale, and then pushing the air out of their lungs as they take a long exhale. 

The next coping skill we will introduce is called mindfulness, which is all about focusing on the present moment without making any judgments. When practicing mindfulness, you can think of “judgements” as any thoughts about something being good or bad. While practicing mindfulness, you might try looking at the trees in your yard and instead of thinking judgmental thoughts like, “that tree to the left needs to be cut down” or “there are not enough trees in my yard”, try to quiet these thoughts and simply take in the sights of the trees as they are.  

When we feel anxious, we are usually worrying about the future. For example, we could be thinking about possible worst-case scenarios and outcomes, or we may be thinking of future events we are nervous about. Practicing mindfulness can help with worries about the future by bringing our thoughts and feelings back to the here and now. When we are connected to the present, we have more control over our thoughts and actions, making it harder to be anxious. 

One way for your child to practice mindfulness is with a grounding exercise that we call “Grounding 5-4-3-2-1”. This exercise is about noticing your environment with all five of your senses (seeing, touching, hearing, smelling, and tasting). While practicing grounding exercises, remind your child to focus on the present moment without any judgements. 

Here's a worksheet for your child to use when practicing this skill:  Grounding 5-4-3-2-1