Module 3: The Avoidance Cycle and Quick Fixes

Sometimes when we encounter challenging situations, it’s easier to avoid them than to face them. Some difficult emotions – like anxiety, fear, or worry – stick around or get worse because of this. It’s natural to avoid things that challenge us.  

Sophia’s new friend Bethany asks Sophia if she wants to go to anime club after school. Sophia loves anime, but this would disrupt her normal routine of going home right after school, changing her clothes, and eating her favorite snacks. This makes her feel anxious and she wants to avoid changing her routine, so she decides not to go. It makes her feel a little better at first knowing she can do her normal routine, but she’s also disappointed that she didn’t hang out with Bethany. Sophia’s avoidance does not help her overcome her anxiety. In fact, Sophia ends up doubting her ability to handle any future changes in her routine. Let’s look at Sophia’s avoidance cycle to see how this happens. The cycle begins with an anxious thought. Sophia worries about the possibility of changing her routine. This thought makes Sophia anxious. Because of her anxiety, Sophia avoids changing her routine to hang out with Bethany. Avoidance makes Sophia feel better at first. But Sophia never learns that she can handle changing her routine to do the things she wants to do. 

George sees the new kid at school, Jerry, reading a medieval book and wants to talk to him. George always wants to connect with people who are also interested in medieval times, but he is anxious he won’t know what to say or will act awkwardly, so he avoids talking to Jerry. It makes him feel better at first knowing that he will not embarrass himself, but it also makes him sad that he didn’t get to become friends with Jerry. George didn’t get the chance to learn that talking to new people can be exciting and rewarding, and not as scary as it seems. He also didn’t get to learn that he has the ability to socialize and make friends if he reaches out to others. Let's look at this cycle to see how avoidance makes George's anxiety worse over time. The cycle begins with an anxious thought. George thinks he will embarrass himself if he talks to Jerry. This thought makes him anxious. So, George avoids talking to Jerry. This makes George less anxious at first, but he never gets to learn that he can face his fear of embarrassment in order to make new friends. 

Sophia has a big math test coming up, and she’s scared she’s going to fail the test. This makes her feel so nervous that she procrastinates studying for her test by drawing comics for hours. This makes her feel a little less nervous, but because she’s not studying, she worries again that she’s going to fail the test, and the cycle continues. If Sophia had tried to study, she could have learned that even though studying is hard and makes her feel anxious, she can handle it. Plus, she would have felt prepared for the test. Let's see how Sophia's avoidance stops her from overcoming her anxiety. First, Sophia worries that she will fail the test. This thought makes Sophia anxious. Sophia avoids studying so that she does not have to face her anxiety about the test. This makes her feel better at first, but when Sophia is forced to think about the test again, she feels even more anxious. It’s natural to avoid things that are hard for us, but we will work on overcoming this cycle! 

Sometimes we have “quick fixes” for anxiety, fears, or other emotions. Quick fixes help us feel better at first but do not help with these problems in the long-term. A really common quick fix for fears or worries is asking lots of questions about them. Another common one is spending too much time searching the internet for things you are worried about. And another common quick fix is to check things you are worried about over and over.  

At first, quick fixes help you feel better, but over time they trick your brain into thinking your fears are something you need to keep worrying about. For instance, after George touches anything he thinks might have germs, he uses a quick fix such as immediately washing his hands to stop him from worrying about the germs. But now, George spends way too long washing his hands multiple times a day, because he is always thinking about all the germs that could be on his hands.  

Sophia often worries that her friends might be upset with her, even when there is no clear reason. Whenever she has this worry, she repeatedly asks her friends if they are mad at her. Her friends reassure her each time that everything is fine, which helps her feel better for a little while. However, the more she asks for reassurance, the more she feels the need to keep asking if her friends are mad at her, and the harder it becomes for her to feel confident in her friendships without constantly confirming with her friends.

Sophia also feels like she must watch her favorite anime before going to bed every night. Whenever the plans change, Sophia worries that she might not get back home in time to watch it, which makes her anxious. She asks her mom repeatedly to go home so she will have enough time to watch the show before bed. Her mom reassures her that she will have enough time, which makes her feel better at first, but every minute they do not leave to go home Sophia feels a little more anxious.  

George sometimes worries about getting really sick, and often uses quick fixes to deal with these worries. Whenever he gets a stomachache, he will spend hours looking on the Internet to see what this may mean. He keeps looking but never feels 100% certain, so he keeps asking his mom and dad what they think too. Each time they tell him he’s okay, he feels a little better. But when his parents aren’t with him, he won’t be able to handle these thoughts by himself. The next time he notices his stomach hurting, he starts worrying all over again.

It is natural to get into the habit of using quick fixes to deal with your anxiety, like asking questions about your fears or worries, looking up information about them on the internet, or checking to make sure everything is okay to deal with your anxiety. But, you have what it takes to break this habit and face your fears instead! 

Anxiety Behaviors: Avoidance

Think of some times when you felt anxious, worried, or afraid and list out any common avoidance behaviors you use. 

• Situation: "I don’t know where to sit at lunch"
• Emotion or Fear: "I feel anxious. I’m afraid others will judge me"
• Avoidance Behavior: "I avoid the lunch room, don’t talk to others, and sit by myself in the hall" 

Anxiety Behaviors: Quick Fixes

Think of some times when you felt anxious, worried, or afraid and list out any common quick fixes you use. 

• Situation: "My stomach is hurting and I don't know why"
• Emotion or Fear: "I feel anxious. I'm worried I might be really sick"
• Quick Fixes: "I spend hours looking up my symptoms to make sure nothing is seriously wrong with my health"