Social Coaching

Interacting with one another is a key aspect of life. We often talk to people every day, whether it’s our parents, teachers, or friends.  Many people enjoy interacting with others, while others who are shy may find it to be a bit of a challenge. It’s completely normal to feel nervous sometimes when you interact with someone, especially if you don’t know that person very well.  

However, some people experience extreme anxiety and discomfort during social interactions. They may have a fear of embarrassment or saying the wrong thing. This is known as social anxiety. It is quite common in autistic people.    

Individuals with social anxiety may choose to isolate themselves from others to avoid encountering feelings of anxiety. This can cause them to stay home from work, school, or other major events, and often leads to feelings of loneliness.  Social anxiety can be hard, but there are ways to work toward becoming more comfortable in social situations. Over time, you can learn to gradually face your fears.  

Sophia is really nervous around big groups of people because she’s afraid everyone will judge her. She also finds it hard to know when to speak in a group or what she should talk about. Sophia was invited to her friend's birthday party. Although it felt more comfortable for Sophia to ignore her friend’s birthday invitation, she pushed herself to reply. When she gets to the party, she joins a smaller group and laughs along with jokes. Even though it was hard for her, she tried to apply social skills that she thought were helpful like trying to make eye contact to show she is interested and asking follow-up questions. Sophia realizes that talking with a group of people is not as scary as she first thought, and nothing bad happened. She feels a little bit better about hanging out with a group next time.    

George is struggling in his geometry class at school. He wants to ask for help but thinks his teacher will think he’s dumb. George’s mom encourages him to ask his teacher for help on the homework. They practice asking for help together. The next day, George goes to class to ask his geometry teacher for help. She is nice and very supportive, and he felt better about the homework.    

With practice, you can also gradually take steps to become more comfortable in social situations! 

Step 1: Pick a social skill to practice. Think of a social skill you would benefit from working on. Look back at the skills we described earlier in the Social Skills section of Module 8 and pick one to start with. Here is a summary of the skills we have gone over: 

Body Language

• Making eye contact
• Using appropriate facial expressions

Friendship Skills

• Offering help or giving to others
• Invitations
• Asking to join in
• Giving compliments
• Showing empathy

Assertiveness Skills

• Asking for help
• Standing up for yourself
• Saying no
• Dealing with teasing or bullying

Conversation Skills

• Starting conversations
• Holding conversations
• Topics of conversation

Step 2: Find a time and place to practice: Figure out when and where you would like to test out this skill with your friends or peers.
Step 3: Will you earn points or motivation boosters: If you feel really anxious or unmotivated, it may be helpful for you to earn points or a motivation booster for practicing your skill.
Step 4: Rehearse with your parent: Before you test out your skill in real social situation, role-play the skill with your parent. Play the part of your friend or peer first, while your parent plays the role of you. Then, switch roles and play yourself.
Step 5: Test out your skill: Now it’s time to test out your skill in a real social situation. This situation could involve a friend, a peer, or more than one person depending on which skill you are practicing. 
Step 6: Reflect on the interaction: After testing out your skill, reflect on how it went and update your parent. 

This should be something that your child is capable of doing, but something that they still struggle with in certain situations or something they need more practice to do independently. Start with a skill that feels manageable. For example, your child might be able to start a conversation with someone but struggles to keep it going. As they progress, you can move to more challenging skills, like making plans with a friend, or navigating a group conversation.

Identify an opportunity for your child to practice their skill in a natural social setting. Ideally, this should be an environment where your child can interact with peers—such as a school event, a park, or a community event. This gives them the chance to apply what they've learned in a real-world context.

If your child feels anxious about the task or unmotivated to complete it, it may be helpful for them to earn a reward for practicing their skill. Depending on the difficulty of the task, you may consider writing an entire plan of action for very difficult social skills.

Before your child goes into a real social situation (that you decided on in step 2), role-play the skill with them so that they can get some practice. First, you should play the role of your child, modelling the skill they should use. After this, you will switch roles so that your child can test out the skill. If they need reminders or encouragement, guide them through the interaction and suggest ways to handle different responses. 

Once your child has demonstrated that they can use the social skill they practiced with you, it’s time for them to use it in a real social situation. (This should be the time/place you decided on in step 2).

After your child tests out the skill they have practiced, reflect with them on how it went (your child may want to complete written reflections on their own, or speak with you about the interaction). You can ask the following questions to help them reflect:

• How did it go? Was it easier or harder than you thought?
• What went well in the conversation/interaction?
• Was there something you would do differently next time?
• How did you feel during the interaction? Were there moments that felt easier or more difficult?
• What could you practice next time to make it go even better?